Guilty pleasures!

So 2012 has started with an early attack of ‘GUILT!’

I am in that horrible position, where I have spent time doing something for me and am now wracked by guilt because I have not spent every moment of my weekend with my children.

I work hard in the week and consequently my children see little of me in term time but the pay back is that I am there all holiday. This seems like a good trade most of the time but during the manic terms where I am in school during the week and Saturday afternoons for ‘Games’ Sunday’s become the golden time  - the time I can spend with my family as a whole (when my husband is not working!)

But this week, I chose to employ someone to look after them for three hours while I went out to train with my ‘Touch Rugby’ team. Leaving them in more than capable hands, I headed out with a spring in my step!

 It was wonderful! My brain was filled with all sorts of new and exciting concepts. I was challenged physically and mentally  (a result of being about 10 years older than half the others and still suffering baby brain!) but I still loved every minute!

I’d forgotten how much I enjoy learning something new and bettering myself. I came back tired out but on a real high!

I was met by three children who had had a marvellous time at the park followed by a messy session of painting. But as the nanny left, my son cuddled into me and said ‘I missed you Mummy!’  Nuzzling his hair, I gave him a huge hug as a wave of guilt swept over me. I only have 12 hours to spend with them and I had wasted 3 on myself. My high was gone and I felt I had let them down, that I must be a terrible mother!

It was only today, after two days of guilt, that someone said to me ‘How cool to go and do something for yourself? Your children won’t look back as they take on the world, and if you’re not careful you will find you lost yourself under the title ‘Mum’! Enjoy your children, spend time with them but don’t beat yourself up if you have a goal outside of their sphere.’

I thought about this, and the more I thought, the more I realised that this is true. I love my Mum and we have a great relationship that certainly was not crippled by her playing Golf every Tuesday. The time we spent with a friends’ mother is hazy, it didn’t register as being odd or mean that mum didn’t love me enough; it was just part of life and I am sure she was a better mother for having that break from us.

I love my children and I love my husband but I now believe that it’s ok to love myself a little too!