Saying No!

Recently, I was listening to ‘Pause for Thought’ on Radio 2 and was really caught by what was being said. The gist of the presenter’s words was, that as a war-baby he had seen many children deprived of basics that we take for granted. He wasn’t harking back to the war with rose coloured spectacles, he was pointing out that a little deprivation did them no harm. In our daily lives 'No!' is a word that should be used more frequently and without fear of reprisals.

In this run up to Christmas, where I am hell-bent on finding the perfect gifts for my children,( you know the ones that will make their eyes light up) this comment really made me stop and think (or pause for thought!)

 My children have a lot of toys and I mean a lot! They have plenty of clothes and are lucky enough to have a bike each.  So when he said ‘....saying no doesn’t mean you don’t love them!’  - it really hit home.

As a working Mum, I do feel guilty about saying ‘No’ and probably do spoil my children when I can. Not because I feel they should have everything their friends have, but because I want them to think I’m a good mum – even when I’m not around.

But actually, he is right! 

Having a new toy or new clothes does not say I love you. Spending time with them, reading, painting, baking and having fun says I love you!

I had fallen into the trap of the guilty parent and I hadn't even noticed!

So as December approaches, I’m going to reel in my spending, and choose a few choice gifts. Then instead of battling through the Christmas crowds for days on end, I intend to spend time with my children.

 In these credit crunching times, saying ‘No!’ is definitely an option!

Money may be in short supply but love certainly is not!

Wear it with pride!

Whilst shopping for the weekly shop in our local supermarket I noticed a collecting box for ‘The Poppy Appeal and so headed over to buy one. Whilst pinning it carefully to my lapel,  I overheard a couple of mum’s discussing Armistice day and the Royal British Legion Poppy Appeal. As an avid supporter of this day of recognition, I shamelessly listened in.

I was pleased to hear that even though their children were only 5 they would be letting them wear a poppy to school  (despite the risks of a pin ...but that’s another issue) However, I was shocked when she ended the sentence  with ‘......because I wouldn’t want her to feel left out.’

Surely wearing a poppy is about acknowledging our debt to those who have fought for our freedom and lost their lives - not about fitting in.

Even at five, I want my daughter to have some understanding of why people wear this little red flower. I don’t want to shatter her illusions of a happy safe world but I want her to realise that some people worked very hard for it to be so. And yes – some people gave and still give their lives!

This is not about having a morbid conversation that will frighten her but about acknowledging that she is growing up in a world where wars happen and people fight for what they believe is right.

 No, I wont dwell on the deaths – after all she is 5 - but I will make an effort to impart some idea of the solemnity of Armistice day and the pride with which we all should wear our poppies. 

Get Real!

So half term was manic! I just couldn’t find the time to write, so I have to apologise for missing a week!

It’s that age old problem of wanting to do too much and then finding yourself doing nothing well -if at all!

I wanted half term to be a real break from school and work, and so was keen to make sure my children enjoyed the full benefit of Mummy 24/7 in a perfectly orchestrated orgy of activities – like real mummies do!

At least that was the plan.......

In my uber-mummy status, I’d organised friends to play, swimming trips, baking activities, soft play, bike riding, family lunches – you name it we were going to do it.

But then, when things are running smoothly, the world throws a cog in the wheels of your life!

Somehow, I managed to pull my shoulder so that even lifting a duvet became a problem, let alone a small child. Out of the window went teaching my daughter to cycle without stabilisers, as I couldn’t hold the bike steady. Swimming was gone, as even changing my youngest’s nappy was proving something of a challenge. Home-cooked family lunches came out of the freezer and soft play went quietly by the wayside.

I felt such a failure! I had had such dreams of a week of real family bliss. You know the one I mean -children laughing merrily, adults looking on indulgently, rosy cheeks all round!

But then  as I was about to be swallowed up by my failure as a mum - it struck me; I was trying to make my life perfect and in no way is life ever remotely as perfect as we are led to believe it should be.

No, we didn’t manage all the exciting activities I had pictured, but you know what – the children all seemed happy with the more mundane activities. They played with their toys, we did colouring and the baking was messier for the lack of parental input, but the results were just as good! Yes, we had the usual tantrums and arguments but that too is part of being a real family.  This was confirmed by my eldest who looked round the table, as we all ate frozen lasagne for tea, and said ‘We look like a real family!’

My idea of a real family had been a picture perfect break packed with exciting activities – hers was sitting down to eat as a family!

I thought to myself ‘Get real!’

Life isn’t picture perfect and rarely runs to plan and if anything, this half term has taught me not to worry about being perfect, but to focus on being a real family – warts and all.